How Do I Get Through to My Loved One with Mental Illness?
Table of Contents
Dr. Marco M. Zahedi
Medical Director, Compassion Recovery Center
Dr. Michael Majeski
Licensed Psychologist (LP), Compassion Recovery Center
Today, an estimated 22.8% or 58.7 million U.S. adults struggle with mental health problems including anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and more. With just over 1 in 5 of us struggling with a mental health disorder, experiencing mental health problems is extremely normal. Yet, just over half of those needing mental health treatment get it. This means that roughly 27.1 million people who needed mental health treatment in 2023 did not receive it. Among those, 50.6% list not being ready for treatment as a primary reason to not get it while 48.6% list not knowing how or where to get treatment as a reason, and 47% list not having enough time.
For many of us, those problems are illnesses that can be treated and will go into remission, potentially for life. For others, mental health disorders are chronic and will persist even with treatment. Here, treatment is intended to help with symptom management to improve quality of life. For that reason, connecting with your loved ones and trying to get through to them can help them to greatly improve quality of life.
Learn About Mental Health Disorders
It’s important that you have a basic idea of what your loved one’s mental health disorder is and how it impacts them before you start talking to them. For example, if you know how depression impacts your loved one, you can talk to them in a kind and nonjudgemental way because you realize that symptoms like lack of hygiene, not doing chores, etc., are a symptom of depression rather than personal choice. It means you can treat your loved one like they are sick and bring them around to that opinion as well.
- If you don’t know what’s wrong with your loved one, look up different mental health disorders so it’s easier to figure out general symptoms. You don’t have to diagnose your loved one, just to understand that many negative behaviors are just symptoms of mental health problems.
- Actively ask for insight from people with mental health disorders. It doesn’t have to be the same issue, but asking for perspectives can help you to understand what your loved one is going through. Going to a friend with a diagnosed disorder and going “hey, X person in my life is struggling, it looks a lot like what you’re going through, I want to help but I don’t know where to start, can you tell me about your experiences and what helped you get into therapy?”
- Talk to your doctor and ask for advice. They might not be able to help you directly, but they can offer insight and potentially offer some resources for therapy and treatment.
Essentially, the more you know going in, the better you’ll be able to connect with your loved one, to show them that you care and you’re trying, and to touch the points that matter.
Learn About Treatment Options
It’s important that you go to your loved one with treatment options ready. Most people struggling with a mental health disorder don’t have the resources to research, consider options, and look into treatment themselves. You might want to look at different options, compare pros and cons, and collect brochures. Here, you still want your loved one to feel involved in treatment but having options ready for them and knowing about them will make the discussion much easier and much less overwhelming for your loved one.
Be Ready to Tackle Objections
If you know that nearly half of all people who need mental health treatment and don’t get it don’t get it because they think they don’t have time or resources, then you know some good places to start on tackling objections:
“I don’t have time”
- Familiarize yourself with the Family and Medical Leave Act of 19992, which offers up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave for treating mental health disorders
- Look into leave options or treatment options that align with work or school
- Look for treatment centers that offer child or pet care
- Offer to take over responsibilities like pet care or childcare for the duration of mental health treatment
- Get buy-in and schedule treatment for school break or a vacation period
Most people will continue to come up with objections around time if they don’t think they are ready for treatment. Chances are, you can find things to counter that, until it becomes obvious that they are prioritizing work/school over their own mental health.
“I don’t know how to…”
- Have a list of rehab centers and treatment options ready
- Make sure you check how insurance works upfront
- Talk to rehab centers and figure out when different treatment options are likely to be available
- Look at inpatient vs outpatient treatment options and make sure you understand the differences and how to enroll in each
“I don’t have the resources to…”
- Check insurance coverage and actual out-of-pocket expenses for different kinds of treatment
- Look into childcare and pet care and what those cost
“I’m not ready for treatment”
- Make sure you understand how mental health disorders work so you can present valid arguments around how mental health disorders sabotage other parts of your life
- Discuss motivational therapy and how most mental health treatment is designed around getting you t a place where you can recover from not asking you to be ready to recover
Make it About Them
Getting mental health treatment is a big step. For most of us, it means dropping other parts of our lives for a month or more to focus on treatment and learning how to manage mental health issues. For some of us, getting that treatment will mean remission and potentially permanent recovery. For others, it means learning skills to reduce the impact of mental health problems on day-to-day life. In either case, it’s important to approach mental health treatment and therapy as being for the individual and about them. That means taking an approach that shows concern for the person, their wellbeing, and how they are managing.
- “I’m worried about you”
- “You don’t seem to be enjoying life as much as you could be and I think therapy can help”
- “We think you might be sick, do you know what a mental health disorder is?”
- “I’d like you to have more resources to deal with everything you’re going through, I think therapy can offer you those resources”
- “How can I help?”
The idea is that you put the focus on your loved one needing help, not on their failure to do things, not on their failure to look good to others, not on their career successes or failures – but on them. If you can treat a mental health disorder just like you would a physical illness, “you’re sick and you need to get help for that” you’re on the right track.
Eventually, getting through to people means figuring out what their concerns are, tackling those concerns, and treating your loved one like they are sick. At the same time, some mental health disorders interfere with your loved one’s ability to see reality or to see themselves. In this case, you might have a harder time getting your loved one to go to treatment. In other cases, you might be able to offer non-judgmental advice, assistance getting into treatment, and support and your loved one will be ready to try.
